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An open letter to Pennsylvania:
Dear Pennsylvania,
You're a big, fat liar. While most people think of you as nestled betwixt New York and Ohio, I am not fooled by devious mapmakers. If their original measurements were correct, then Pennsylvania, I need to be honest with you. You have gained some weight. My guess is that you are actually eight times the size of Texas, and just as long as California. I don't think I'm shocking anyone here when I report that Pennsylvania has subsumed most of the United States.
Don't get me wrong, the other states still exist, but Pennsylvania's ever-expanding ass has covertly swallowing up real estate while the rest of us feel the walls closing in on our apartments and zip codes.
How do I know this to be true?
Fact: Despite New York City being a major U.S. city, it is impossible to see the rest of the United States without traipsing through; you guessed it, Pennsylvania.
Fact: To get to upstate New York from Brooklyn, you have to go through Pennsylvania.
Fact: To get to Pennsylvania from our house, you have to go through Penn Station. Coincidence? I think not.
It is getting to the point that even if you live in rural Arizona, make a wrong turn, and you could end up in Pennsylvania. Sure, the first 200 miles seem nice and quaint, what with the rolling hills and plains, and Philadelphia appears to loom in the distance (optical illusions paid for by the Pennsylvania governor). However, I think that Pennsylvania's habit of eating states must be stopped.
I think I speak for everyone when I say, Pennsylvania, we are tired of driving through your seemingly endless highways. Can't you be more like your brother, Delaware? And give us back Virginia. We know you're hiding it 'neath your underpasses.
Dear Pennsylvania,
You're a big, fat liar. While most people think of you as nestled betwixt New York and Ohio, I am not fooled by devious mapmakers. If their original measurements were correct, then Pennsylvania, I need to be honest with you. You have gained some weight. My guess is that you are actually eight times the size of Texas, and just as long as California. I don't think I'm shocking anyone here when I report that Pennsylvania has subsumed most of the United States.
Don't get me wrong, the other states still exist, but Pennsylvania's ever-expanding ass has covertly swallowing up real estate while the rest of us feel the walls closing in on our apartments and zip codes.
How do I know this to be true?
Fact: Despite New York City being a major U.S. city, it is impossible to see the rest of the United States without traipsing through; you guessed it, Pennsylvania.
Fact: To get to upstate New York from Brooklyn, you have to go through Pennsylvania.
Fact: To get to Pennsylvania from our house, you have to go through Penn Station. Coincidence? I think not.
It is getting to the point that even if you live in rural Arizona, make a wrong turn, and you could end up in Pennsylvania. Sure, the first 200 miles seem nice and quaint, what with the rolling hills and plains, and Philadelphia appears to loom in the distance (optical illusions paid for by the Pennsylvania governor). However, I think that Pennsylvania's habit of eating states must be stopped.
I think I speak for everyone when I say, Pennsylvania, we are tired of driving through your seemingly endless highways. Can't you be more like your brother, Delaware? And give us back Virginia. We know you're hiding it 'neath your underpasses.
posted by Jessica @ Sunday, June 10, 2007
1 Comments:
At 8:28 AM ,
Natalie said...
Yeeah, mmm hmm, I'm more than willing to start an investigation. I have to drive through Pennsylvania to get to NY to snowboard and let me tell you, every time I drive through this...this *hand quotes* Erie *end hand quotes* I sigh...loudly. It shouldn't take that long to get through one little sliver of state...but oh yes, it does. Watch your back, Pennsylvania...the word has spread.
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