Unique New York

Just like a regular woman, only crankier.

Saturday, May 09, 2009


NYC is trying to convert me. Husband and I went to National Museum of the American Indian today. Russ is working on an assignment for school to see how to plan a class trip.

If you haven't been before, it's kinda cool....unless you're from Oklahoma in which case you've likely seen it all. However, let me just tell you: This museum is free.

That's right, something in Manhattan is FREE.

Really free.

You just walk in.

(And spend $100 at the bookstore.)

But it's free, people!

Anyway, as we were heading into the rotunda, there were some fliers that Russ was picking up for his assignment, and I noticed a publication that was out of place. Instead of well staged photographs of artifacts, there was a lone booklet on regular paper...and it said something about Jesus.

I debated before picking it up, having recognized publications of this kind.

So, for semantics sake, can we just call these things "Jesus 'Zines"? Or maybe Je-zines"? (Jeezy zeensy?)

So, I pick up the Je-zine, and start flipping through. It has those wonderful, colorful characters that always look slightly exhausted. It is as though these Christian artists want us to understand that when you are unsaved, you show it by resembling an insomniac zombie. Even the infants in the pictures look tired!

One of the panels looks like Colonel Sanders is tempting our damned hero. And for Some reason, Dennis Rodman is in the background. (Couldn't figure out how to get my webcam to not reverse the photo.)

See? The unsaved guy looks tired.

Of course, Colonel Sanders turns out to be the Devil...

So, I promptly removed this garbage from the otherwise pristine site of Native peoples, and placed it in my purse for later mockery.

And then, we got on the subway to go home, when we saw this across from us:

That's right, a Je-zine en espanol. So the city is trying to convert me, and it is covering its bases with appropriate language supports. This Jezine was just as awful, although I have to give it credit for illustrating what I think may be the best image of a pope I have ever seen:

Don't hurt us, Spanish Zombie Pope!

And of course, this Jeezinus reinforces the stereotype that Catholics engage in animal cruelty, baseball brutality, and infant waterboarding:

Look, if that baby would just TELL the nice priest where the sleeper cell of terrorists was located...

Also, apparently Spanish heathens are also underslept.

As a nearly Jew, I can say that I know it's just a couple of weirdos putting crap like this around in the hopes that they can save people. I mean, there's a quiz on the back with a little d-i-y let Jesus into your heart prayer just to make sure that they get credit for your soul (Crazies also work on commission). My only beef is, why you gotta make shit up about Catholics in order to sell people on this brand of religion? As a matter of fact, you don't need to fabricate a damn thing about humanity to show that we are nearly always one Starbucks closing away from total chaos. No need to extra scare people...there's always reality.

So, after a good laugh and some strong attempts to translate "Papi", I took these booklets out of the public domain and placed them in the recycling bin. Because if there's one thing that I think will toast your Crazed-Christian ass past redemption, it is littering in public places.


(No offense to my evangelical homies. I recognize that most Christians are not into this particular brand of soul-sucking art. Shalom.)


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