Tyra and her sycophants

Who told Tyra Banks that she could be something besides pretty? I'm betting it was her mama. And maybe Oprah.

I am so sick to death of seeing this girl's face everywhere. Not having cable, this means that CW11 bears her image for 90% of the time that I am home to watch TV. And not in hot Victoria's Secret ads anymore, no. No she gave that up for her sparkling personality. Yes, it was her sparkling personality and brilliant insight that made her fall in love with us in the first place, no?

So, America's Next Top Model. WTF? First off, the "Top Models" are more like America's Next Top Interns. What exactly do these girls get? Do we ever see them outside of the context of ads during America's Next Top Model? I admit to watching the show. It's like a pageant show all slowed-down, but with just as much hairsprayed ass-cheeks and eating disorders. Oh, and Tyra talks through the whole thing. She swoops in, from time to time, to pretend to be the girls' therapist. She gets them on a couch and they all cry because she asks them about their insecurity. Well, what the hell else are they going to do? First off, they're starving. Second, they're exhausted. Third, their "therapist" is Tyra Banks, who also happens to be their boss. Who wouldn't cry?

Lest any of the girls walk around with confidence, Tyra launches an arsenal of people to thwart their development at every curve. These people are important in the sense that they have become famous since Top Model. However, it is rare that Tyra bring on anyone else with any shred of credibility. Guess the other Supermodels don't really want work on CW11. Shocker. So, Tyra has these same tired folks come in and harass the skinny herds for an episode. And then they say their opinion about the girls at the end. Who cares. Who are these people? At least with Donald Trump, you're like, okay, it's Donald Trump. I know who Twiggy is, but seriously, who is the Janice lady? Besides drunk all the time?

And, when the girls mouth off, Tyra says something illuminating like, "I know everything there is to know about the modeling business." Wow. So, the message the participants should take home is as long as we keep kissing Tyra's ever-loving ass, the show will still go on.

Tyra, we get it. You made it as a model. You're Dr. Phil. Now, you're even Oprah. Brilliant. Can you go back to not talking while the photos are being taken? Please? Maybe free up the CW for reruns of Judge Judy or something?