Unique New York

Just like a regular woman, only crankier.

Thursday, August 17, 2006

Tourist attraction

If you ever find yourself on the Northwest side of Oklahoma City, please do yourself a favor and stop in the Sally's Beauty Supply. I don't give a good goddamn if you haven't but three hairs upon your haid, you surely need a nail file or something. I have never been so entertained.

My mom and I were in there searching for costume jewelry and reddening shampoo. As we walked in, an older woman (in her early sixties) with platinum blonde hair and an array of jigsaw teeth greeted us with, "Hello! How are you?" in an incredibly thick southern accent. We said fine, and how are you, and she replied, "Well shit, I don't know, and that's the truth."

Mom and I, giggling, started scouring the aisles. She was having some kind of verbal interaction with someone else. We were poking around when we started to check out, and she was trying to sell us some discounted moisturizing shampoo. She said, "I ain't tryin' to be a butthole or nothing, but this here's some good shit."

Then, as she verified my mom's ID, she said "We don't need none of that there identity theft. That's some bad medicine. We had enough problems with rapists and child mo-lesters without that shit. I tell you what we need to do, we need to cut off them's whacker's, and hang em up by the telephone poles, and douse em in alcohol, like they did in the old day. People'd see em up there, in all their dry rot, and look up at em and be like, 'well, duh!'"

Mom and I started giggling so much we could barely be hauled out of there. Then she said, "Where's that young girl. She's giving me a hemmorhoid, I tell you what."

We backed out because she would not stop talking. She was probably on meth. She was hilarious. I highly recommend Larry the Cable Girl as afternoon entertainment.