Unique New York

Just like a regular woman, only crankier.

Saturday, May 09, 2009


NYC is trying to convert me. Husband and I went to National Museum of the American Indian today. Russ is working on an assignment for school to see how to plan a class trip.

If you haven't been before, it's kinda cool....unless you're from Oklahoma in which case you've likely seen it all. However, let me just tell you: This museum is free.

That's right, something in Manhattan is FREE.

Really free.

You just walk in.

(And spend $100 at the bookstore.)

But it's free, people!

Anyway, as we were heading into the rotunda, there were some fliers that Russ was picking up for his assignment, and I noticed a publication that was out of place. Instead of well staged photographs of artifacts, there was a lone booklet on regular paper...and it said something about Jesus.

I debated before picking it up, having recognized publications of this kind.

So, for semantics sake, can we just call these things "Jesus 'Zines"? Or maybe Je-zines"? (Jeezy zeensy?)

So, I pick up the Je-zine, and start flipping through. It has those wonderful, colorful characters that always look slightly exhausted. It is as though these Christian artists want us to understand that when you are unsaved, you show it by resembling an insomniac zombie. Even the infants in the pictures look tired!

One of the panels looks like Colonel Sanders is tempting our damned hero. And for Some reason, Dennis Rodman is in the background. (Couldn't figure out how to get my webcam to not reverse the photo.)

See? The unsaved guy looks tired.

Of course, Colonel Sanders turns out to be the Devil...

So, I promptly removed this garbage from the otherwise pristine site of Native peoples, and placed it in my purse for later mockery.

And then, we got on the subway to go home, when we saw this across from us:

That's right, a Je-zine en espanol. So the city is trying to convert me, and it is covering its bases with appropriate language supports. This Jezine was just as awful, although I have to give it credit for illustrating what I think may be the best image of a pope I have ever seen:

Don't hurt us, Spanish Zombie Pope!

And of course, this Jeezinus reinforces the stereotype that Catholics engage in animal cruelty, baseball brutality, and infant waterboarding:

Look, if that baby would just TELL the nice priest where the sleeper cell of terrorists was located...

Also, apparently Spanish heathens are also underslept.

As a nearly Jew, I can say that I know it's just a couple of weirdos putting crap like this around in the hopes that they can save people. I mean, there's a quiz on the back with a little d-i-y let Jesus into your heart prayer just to make sure that they get credit for your soul (Crazies also work on commission). My only beef is, why you gotta make shit up about Catholics in order to sell people on this brand of religion? As a matter of fact, you don't need to fabricate a damn thing about humanity to show that we are nearly always one Starbucks closing away from total chaos. No need to extra scare people...there's always reality.

So, after a good laugh and some strong attempts to translate "Papi", I took these booklets out of the public domain and placed them in the recycling bin. Because if there's one thing that I think will toast your Crazed-Christian ass past redemption, it is littering in public places.


(No offense to my evangelical homies. I recognize that most Christians are not into this particular brand of soul-sucking art. Shalom.)

Tuesday, May 05, 2009

The bitch is baaaaaaaack

Like I could keep my trap shut forever. Puh-lease.

So I went stealth for a while, worrying my blog would be found by prying eyes. But now I have gone rogue. In terms of fun, rogue is way better.

So something must have propelled me to want to go public with some thoughts and feelings. New Pres? Nope. Environment? Nope. The fact that we're leaving New York? Pah. That's yesterday's news. Why are my panties in such a twist then? I will tell you why.


This morning while I was slacking off, I heard the news that the Connecticut Attourney General wants to ban erotic services from Craigslist. Ach!

I love craigslist. I have begun to assume that craigslist has magical powers. I input my desires, and it does it turns its magical wheels to deliver me with the following: Full size dishwasher, Air Conditioner, not one but two apartments, a supremely satisfying best friend, and oh yeah, let's not forget MY HUSBAND.

Okay, so Craigslist has been the reason behind many a timesuck, way more than facebook or myspace ever could for me. It's simply because if I have to choose between talking to people and shopping...well...

So, the Attorney General wants to ban erotic services on Craigslist, and I say to him, LEAVE MY CL ALONE! Why?

Well, to begin, the use of a recent crime as a rationale is totally bogus. One guy shits in the casserole and now the dinner party is over (Although I suppose if that really happened, I would probably stop the dinner party too, but I'm just speaking metaphorically). In any case, one serial killer uses an opportunistic site for his victims. So, one out of a kazillion transactions ends in death. Odds are, this site is still pretty safe.

Also, a serial killer kills a masseuse and now we go after masseuses? Huh? Maybe we should alert the Attorney General that people with nice things get robbed. That's right, I am insisting on a ban on nice things.

Going after erotic services takes the blame off of the killer in the first place. Let's put the blame where it is due. That's right, A-hole, you can't use the most wonderful internet site in the world for evil. People don't like it. So I am now instating a ban on serial killers using CL for victims. It is forbidden! I have spoken.

So since the logic is so screwy, it just makes me think these people are using this instance to go after one of the pure things remaining on the internet.

Remember the nineties when the internet was first hitting its stride? I do. I remember how exciting it was. There was this new innovation, and suddenly people my age could make a living doing creative things for creative people. People were connecting, both with services and with each other. Also, people were finding great deals on stuff. I remember getting free voicemail, free videos, etc. I know that's because a lot of these folks had bad business plans and basically gave shit away without a thought as to how to pay for it, but still...I like the spirit of just putting it out there and figuring out the rest later. It was innocent and exciting.

And then advertisers and whatever else started slowly siphoning out the fun of all things internet related. Pop up ads. And then really wicked pop up ads that would slow down your internet connection. Blogs happened, but then you would get a blog and someone from your job would find it, and then you would get fired for having a blog. Myspace...and then employers start looking at your myspace page to later judge you.

But Craigslist remained. I guess nobody really gave a shit about adults doing f-ed up things to each other, and it wasn't really being patrolled. You can post a rant or a rave? For free? I can sell something without some weird agreement and my privacy is protected? I think I owe a thanks to the culture of San Francisco for treating me like an adult as well as providing me with an awesome service.

So, to me, Craigslist is like the last cool thing on the internet. It is totally low-tech, but I have had so many great experiences. I guess I just want one way of connecting without worrying about interference, and I like the idea that anyone could post anything, from a date to a half-eaten box of cereal.

I reject not being able to connect. I reject the unnecessary supervision. I reject being afraid of nothing. In that spirit, I have removed the password protection from my blog. Let's have some fun again.